it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
