I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
