remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
