Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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