I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
