I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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