GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
