I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
