Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
