No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
