It's like God shit irony all over that family
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
