sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need moral support for this bender
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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