my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
