Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
