I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
