There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
