do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
