So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
