I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
