Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
