I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
