Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
