no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
