did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
