yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
