wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize