I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
