Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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