Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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