OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
