he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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