I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
