OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
