I want to walk on stilts...naked
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
