May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
