So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize