We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
