he thought i was a dude.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
