Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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