How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
