Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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