he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The air was thick with penises
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
