I'm jealous of your bromance
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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