I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
