if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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