How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
