sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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