dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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