Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
