i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
