i just made my gag reflex go away.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
