She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
