STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
