he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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