if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dignity is for republicans.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
