Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
