i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
