oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
