Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
