Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
