remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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