arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
