At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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