So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
