So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
