If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
