Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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