Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
