just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize