You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize