Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
