She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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