did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Someone came in the potted fern
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
