I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
